She was too much for him

I was always ambition and goal oriented. I am the one who encouraged him apply for the position. In fact I was the one who literally wrote the letter that got him that position. I was too much for him. My virtual was clearly visible…even from a distance. I alway knew my worth and my 1st made sure of that.

At a young age it was clear to me that men who do, say and pay whatever to have my body. I was never tempted because it showed me at a young age that people are self serving, conniving and exploitative. I learned not to trust at a very early age. Very few have had me. I don’t need two hands to count the men that I’ve been with.

I never took his calls after a certain time. When money was low; I planned and packed a ‘picknics’. (I no longer use that word.)

He could never keep up with my drive. It was too much for him…she was too much for him.

The strength of her presence mental, sexually, emotionally and financially was too much for him. He had been one way all his life. He never had a women like her before. He underestimate her intelligence, wisdom, grace and dignity and pose. Her vibration was too much for him.

The one who used him to try to destroy me thought that I would miss beats. When I accepted this new calling that God has on my life, I never knew that this path (his path) would take me on. I have endured many lonely nights. …Nights when I desired, yearned and moaned for a man’s touch…a man’s thrust. Even now this holds true… The celibate life is no longer one that I live by choice. (The truth is… I have men that I could sleep with but ‘the way my standards are set up…” I can’t give my access to just anybody. I know my worth and my value is far above rubies.

Masturbating has become a daily practice at this point and I’m trying my best not to become a sex attic. Seriously speaking. I can get anytime I want. Any where I want. I always come as a direct result of the interaction. The desire is there but the opportunity is not… His prayer were answered.

I’ve never been a hot girl or had a summer like one. I’ve been set apart since day one.

However I still suffers many of the pains that my mom tried to protect me from. I’ve been both raped and molested. Both experiences only allowed me to forever connect more deeply with with the unheard. That is why I serve. That is why I lead.

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