The Battlefield is not a tourist attraction

I have done such an amazing job at hiding and covering up the emotional abuse that I endured and suffered at the hands of my ex husband that nobody actually knows what I’ve gone through. My ability to smile past challenges, anger, trauma and fear has given people the false idea that I am never affected by anything that I’ve gone through.

I’m now being offered a trip out of the country with my ex who spoke  with my closest family member to ask me would I go.  I have no desire to travel with him alone… It only reminds me the neglect that I experienced over the entire course of our marriage.

I described to the family member let me going on that trip is like asking a soldier who fought in the Vietnam War to visit that country to sightsee.  I don’t think that I’ll be able to make the trip… especially without counseling.  

I’ve always had the mindset that I would take whatever L was needed to make sure that my daughter was happy and healthy but this is 1 then I’m not sure that I can do.  I’m afraid that it would set me back mentally and emotionally and I’m desperately trying to move forward.  

Even now I feel triggered at times when establishing new friendships with the opposite sex. This shit this is crazy!  I almost went back underground for two to three weeks just to put distance between my new friend and I because he said something that triggered me.  it’s like having PTSD and that is no exaggeration!

It is clear to me that I have to get these issues taken care of or my relationship with my ex is gonna get much worse.  is gotten to the point where he doesn’t feel comfortable asking me questions without going through my closest family member because he’s not sure how our react or respond.

Soapbox Streams